Posts Tagged ‘life’

I promised to write this some time ago on twitter, i apologise its taken me some time to do so. But if you read on, maybe you will understand a little as to why its taken some time.

PTSD: From the eyes of a child pedophile survivor.

To live with post traumatic stress disorder is exhausting. The constant anxiety. The constant nagging fears. The black hole starts to consume the mind slowly, until one day there is nothing left but darkness. Sadness. Anxiety. Loneliness. Sorrow. Guilt. Fear. It feels mind numbingly insane to fall into the pits of darkness when your identities conflict. One part of me is confident, logical, loving, analytical, and often in too many ways, intrigued by the world around me. The other part of me hides in the dark corners, seeks comfort in being alone, hides away from the world and feels i am nothing, i am numb.

To understand how i became so conflicted, i have to go back. Childhood. The time when your life is supposed to be free from worries, stress, hurt, pain, anxiety, yet somehow, i must have done something wrong. i got worries, stress, hurt, pain and oh so much more. I didnt understand until i was almost an adult what had happened in those years i tried to so hard to repress. I feel so stupid. How was i so smart and logical and not understand what happened to me. Maybe because i tried to fight the memories and tried so hard to repress them that i didnt process it. I dont know, all i know is it left me with nothing but guilt, sadness, hate and a conflicting craziness in my mind i have never experienced before, how did i get so lost in the process of dealing and accepting? I am the survivor of a child pedophile. It took me many years to say those words out loud. The sadness that i feel when i say those words is beyond explanation. The guilt i have carried has left scars so deep, because i never stopped it. i never spoke up and said something and i was not the last of his victims. for so long i all i felt was guilty when i found out others had become just like me. reduced to my fate. A survivor. A child ripped apart mentally, physically numb and broken inside. An adult struggling to find the light in the crazy darkness. Trying to find a way to heal the scars that continue to cut so deep into me. The pain becomes physical. The gut wrenching nausea, the searing migranes, the aching heart. What we mentally suffer manifests to physical symptoms and starts to rule your life. I try and hide. Shut myself away from the world. Wishing i could wake up tomorrow and just be, well, somebody else. Not Me. Not  mentally lost in this confusing hell of memories and nightmares.

Many years of therapy have taught me many techniques to deal with the realities of what i suffer on a daily basis, but, its still never easy. I guess to truly understand why the suffering of PTSD is deeply impacting on me, its because of multiple trauma’s. From 8-11/12 yrs old, groomed, broken and abused by which my parents had no idea. At 13 i was sexually assaulted by someone connected with extended family. When i confided in a friend at school she told a teacher. The family drama’s followed. Then the name calling started, i was called a slut and whore by an other in the family who didnt want to believe me. That was until her little sisters came forward also. By now people realised i wasnt lying. But the mental damage was already done. My life started a slippery slope downwards from there on. I was expelled from high school in year 8. i started to drink, alot. I ran away from home. I dont think my parents fully realised until recently just how much i was suffering when i was a teen. They didnt know of the pedophile. Only knew of the assault. But that wasnt to be the end of it.  One of the times i ran away, i was raped. After the no’s, the shoving, the fighting to get his stinking beer face away from me, I can vividly remember thinking, how can you see my tears and still do this to me. I really am worth nothing.

Again, shame, guilt, all of it overcomes. How could this have happened to me, i am strong. at 14, i wasnt much of a challenge for a grown man, i realise that now, but back then, how could i. Was It was my fault, maybe they could see something in me that showed them i was nothing, that is why  it kept on happenening to me. because i wasnt worth any thing more.  Thats how i felt, and somedays in all honesty, i still feel that way. To accept what has been done is to fully deal with it, and i dont think i have ever been ready to full do so, but to keep on pushing it back, regressing and hiding, only makes the suffering worse. i know that now. But when the scars are so deep the pain so vividly real, how do you stop the floodgates when you open them. How do you ever go back to who you once were. Maybe, one day, at the end of my journey, ill have the answer. Until then, i truly hope for the day when time healed all wounds.

AA.

(NB: A further trauma that confounds PTSD on me, is being involved at 17yrs old (victim) in an armed robbery where i was working (thankfully i had been pushed to the ground by a supervisor moments before guns were fired, thankfully no one was shot).

CounterPsyOps

Unemployment in Spain already stands at 26%. Crowds scavenge the streets at night for food. And life is about to get tougher still

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A family prepares to sleep on the street in Madrid. Oxfam says that by 2022, 38% of the Spanish population could be in poverty. Photograph: Susana Vera/Reuters

By Giles Tremlett, The Guardian

Forget, for a moment, the Greek tragedy. The tale of social woe set to play out in Spain this year is both bigger and more important to the world. For the drama of rescuing the euro, or letting it sink, will be played out on Spanish soil.

That is not to say Spaniards will have it worse than Greeks, though Eurostat figures show only Bulgaria and Romania now have a higher percentage of people deemed at risk of poverty. Spain’s economy will shrink, once more, by 1.5% – a dramatic enough figure, though one most…

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PN

by Brian Andrews
AirCrap.org

August 16, 2011

In this remarkable video from Serbia (English transcript is below), Nikola Aleksic, Director of the Ecological Movement of Novi Sad, issues a stern warning to the president Boris Tadic to stop importing food based upon GMO and stop the chemtrail spraying, or he will call and personally lead the people of Serbia to the streets.  He concludes his speech by saying: “You can be sure that, I, Nikola Aleksic, will keep my word – even at the cost of my own life.”

Aleksic also implores the Serbian army to “defend you people and sky over Serbia”, and tells the people of Serbia  that now is no time to be cowards – they need to stand up for their rights for themselves and their children.

Here’s the transcript of Nikola Aleksic’s amazing speech:

National Assembly and the Government of Serbia,

The recent events surrounding the intentions…

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The Extinction Protocol

January 1, 2013CLIMATEThe year started in the United States with a mild flu season but ended up being marked by deadly outbreaks of fungal meningitis, West Nile virus and Hantavirus. Tainted steroid medication has been cited as the cause of the meningitis outbreak that killed 39 people. Weather contributed to the worst outbreak of West Nile virus since 2003 and an unusual outbreak of Hantavirus in California’s Yosemite National Park. Transmitted by infected mice, Hantavirus is a severe, sometimes fatal syndrome that affects the lungs. West Nile can cause encephalitis or meningitis, infection of the brain and spinal cord or their protective covering. As of December 11, 5,387 cases of West Nile virus had been reported in 48 states, resulting in 243 deaths, the CDC said in its final 2012 update on the outbreak. The 2003 outbreak left 264 dead from among nearly 10,000 reported cases…

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Sounds like my homeland. We have politically corrected just about everything. Aanother pathetic way of controlling the people

Add your thoughts here… (optional)

The Extinction Protocol

November 10, 2012MADRIDA woman in Spain jumped to her death as bailiffs approached to evict her Friday from her fourth-floor apartment for failing to pay the mortgage, officials said. It was the second apparent suicide linked to evictions, and it further illustrates the dire conditions many Spaniards find themselves in as the country’s economy sinks. The government recently created a task force to study how to reduce evictions because of the devastating personal impact of repossessions due to tough Spanish mortgage rules and growing unease among the public on the subject. The unnamed 53-year-old woman threw herself from her balcony in a suburb of the northern Spanish city of Bilbao, the regional Interior Ministry said. She worked at a local bus depot, was married to a former town councilor and had a 21-year-old daughter. Local judge Juan Carlos Mediavilla told reporters at the scene that it…

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PN

Activist Post
September 12, 2012

It is a fact that the entire world desperately needs a revolution. The global managers know this, and have stated that they are frightened of the widespread political awakening.
Global connectivity has definitely lent a hand — for the first time, websites and blogs issuing independent analysis and research can go head to head with the massive production budgets and funding received by corporate media. What was once the “mainstream media” should better be called the “propped up media” — on a level playing field of ideas they are losing fantastically.

Social media has become the new mainstream media. As the video at the end of this article illustrates, the number of people involved is simply staggering. In much of the alternative media, we refer to the sharing of information as the infowar. And even Hillary Clinton has used that phrase ……

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Dandelion Salad

by Chris Hedges
Featured Writer
Dandelion Salad
Truthdig
September 17, 2012

In January I sued President Barack Obama over Section 1021(b)(2) of the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA), which authorized the military to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely, strip them of due process and hold them in military facilities, including offshore penal colonies. Last week, round one in the battle to strike down the onerous provision, one that saw me joined by six other plaintiffs including Noam Chomsky and Daniel Ellsberg, ended in an unqualified victory for the public. U.S. District Judge Katherine Forrest, who accepted every one of our challenges to the law, made her temporary injunction of the section permanent. In short, she declared the law unconstitutional.

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PN

Activist Post
September 3, 2012

Isn’t it obvious that there is a significant global awakening happening? Just as the Mayans predicted so many years ago, the apocalypse would become apparent in 2012. But many misinterpret the apocalypse to be the end of the world, when in fact it actually means an “un-covering, a revelation of something hidden.”

As many continue to argue the accuracy of the Mayan calendar, it can no longer be argued that a great many people are finally becoming aware of what has been hidden from them for so long. Of course this awakening is not an overnight process. It takes time to peel away the many layers of lies to get to the core of the ultimate truths.

It would be beyond pretentious for us to claim to know all of the secrets of the universe. We don’t. Everyday we are humbled by what we don’t yet know.

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The Extinction Protocol

September 1, 2012TOKYOJapan’s government on Wednesday unveiled a worst case disaster scenario that warned a monster earthquake in the Pacific Ocean could kill over 320,000 people, dwarfing last year’s quake-tsunami disaster. Tokyo’s casualty toll estimate was based on a catastrophic scenario in which a powerful undersea quake of about 9.0 magnitude sparked a giant tsunami that swamps Japan’s coastline south of Tokyo. The Cabinet Office’s hypothetical disaster would see the quake strike at nighttime during the winter with strong winds helping unleash waves that reach 34-metre (110 feet), sweeping many victims away as they slept. Many of the estimated 323,000 victims would be drowned by the tsunami, crushed under falling objects or in fires sparked by the disaster, it said. On March 11 last year, a 9.0 magnitude quake struck seismically-active Japan in the early afternoon, triggering tsunami waves that reached 20 meters. About 19,000 were…

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nativeamericanrightsmovement

Great system model other tribes could put in place to help their communities!

 

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nativeamericanrightsmovement

Whiteclay Arrests

 

On August 26, several organizations looking to have a peaceful march of women and children to protest alcohol sales in Whiteclay, Nebraska ended with protestors being carted away in horse trailers, verbal altercations and Native youth being maced.

Autumn Two Bulls, a participant and Pine Ridge Reservation tribal legal liaison is the mother of 10-year-old Wakinyan (Lightning and Thunder.) who was one of the Native youth sprayed in the face with mace by a police officer.

Two Bulls was furious such a thing could happen on…Read more: http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2012/08/29/whiteclay-fallout-womens-day-of-peace-march-ends-with-arrests-and-youth-being-maced-131881#ixzz25FarMmJk

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DISMANTLE THE BEAM PROJECT

This is the story on how the Rockefeller Empire blocked gold as a viable treatment for addiction and set up Alcoholics Anonymous to conceal the truth.

Westernized medicine may have used “sleight of hand” in such a manner that an important bio chemical compound, in the form of a cell salt, would never be considered for use in the twenty first century after the Great Depression.  The reason for hiding this knowledge was important to the secret societies for it had an obligation to building one of the non curative healing modalities, allopathy, into the powerhouse it is today.  This insane, yet very lucrative revenue generating scam is a business that has amassed trillions and is completely reliant on fear based deception.

A question to contemplate is whether there is a mineral so important to health that it is the very key to our existence.  The clues and the answer…

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Australian Bill Allows for Sterilizations Without Parental Consent at Any Age

March 6, 2012

Anthony Gucciardi
BlacklistedNews.com

Following the call by ethicists for after-birth abortions and the press explosion surrounding the ‘Euthanasia Coaster‘, new legislation from Australia is now paving the way for children of any age to consent to sterilization — without parental consent. That’s right, if a psychiatrist determines that a child under the age of 18 years is ‘sufficiently mature’, they will be sterilized without any say from the parents. Again, there is no age minimum, as long as they are ‘mature‘ enough.

The legislation, known as the ‘Draft Mental Health Bill 2011′, also allows for 12-year-olds to consent to psychosurgery and electroshock. You can view the bill for yourself on the Australian Mental Health government website. Written by the Western Australia Mental Health Commission (MHC) and overseen by Mental Health Commissioner and clinical psychologist Mr Eddie Bartnik, objections can still be submitted to Australian parliamentary members in each state until March 9th.

READ the full News Article 

Action will need to be taken to make sure the bill does not pass. Objections can be sent to the Mental Health Commission and to Australian state legislators. Feedback options come to a close on the 9th of March at 5pm, so it is important to voice your opposition today. Here are a few ways to contact the Mental Health Commission and state your objection to the bill:
  • Mail: GPO Box X2299 Perth Business Centre, W.A. 6847

This article first appeared at Natural Society

 

If this is not a reason for Families and Mums to get out there and protest i don’t know what is? We have lost our right to CHOOSE to vaccinate our children already, Mandatory Vaccinations are now in Australia. Now we have this to deal with.

– AussieActivist

Here is a very clear HD video taken at the Raid on Occupy Sydney at the weekend by NSW Police force Operation Goulding.

 

So today i was back at the HARDA office in Homebush West. I’m currently the Volunteer Program Co-Ordinator for the African Men’s English Program.  I enjoy volunteering with HARDA as i get to meet and know a range of diverse Australians. I also get to help people at a grass roots level.  I have met some of the most wonderful people, with such stories to share. One of my good friends; A Lost Boy, Another a Community Elder, so many more with such kindess in their hearts and stories that would have you literally in tears. Volunteering is one of the best decisions i have ever made.  I have actually been volunteering since i was a small child. My parents have been involved in the local Lions Club International for the last 20+ years so each project and community function, us kids went along to give back to the community.  Its like second nature to me.

My passion with volunteering really peaked in about 2007, when i was given a copy of the Invisible Children DVD, and since then, My life changed! You can read about it on my ABOUT ME page!

This year, we have decided to take our volunteering to the next level. My 11 yr old son and i will be volunteering on Christmas Day to serve the homeless within our local community. Its something that i know will be rewarding, and will also show my son the other side of life, and i hope instill good morals and ethics into him as what ive taught. However, this time he will get hands on into it.  My son is no stranger to volunteering himself. Since he was 6yrs old he has been in our local Scouts Group (Cubs and Joey). Through Scouts, children are taught so many great things, they also volunteer in their local & extended communities throughout the state.  In 2009, my son also attended the Invisible Children RESCUE Event and took part in a Worldwide Advocacy Event that over 80,000 people took part in. I am ever so proud that my son shows great enthusiasm to helping others. I hope that through my kids, my Legacy of helping and serving will shine through.

The Rescue Aftermath Media Clip by Invisible Children

If you have time on your hands, seriously consider volunteering your time. Find something your passionate about, could be people, animals, earth, and ring a good Charity or NGO and ask if you can volunteer, alternatively you can go to Volunteering Australia and check out who needs a hand!

Posted by: Rebecca

Follow me on Twitter @AussieActivist

RAFdesigns: Home: Zazzle.com Store.

Check out a great new range of Australian Scenery and Wildlife Items, such as Mugs, Tshirts, Postage, Postcards, Motivational Posters and Much More.

With Christmas fast approaching, i just wanted to remind everyone of the Child Headed Household that i help to support through Joy for Children Uganda.

I have opened this STORE to enable me to sell items i create to help me cover the costs of the sponsorship $157US a month, 100% of the profits made on these items are sent directly to Joy for Children and then used to pay for their education, food, kerosene (no elec), clothing, blankets, medical expenses and more.  I currently pay this by my own finances and as a lower income family with 3 children of our own to support we sometimes struggle to make the full amount to send.

It would be greatly appreciated if you could purchase 1 item from our store and help us to help support 5 Children ranging from 8mths to 17yrs in Uganda to have a better life and some hope for the future.

VISIT OUR STORE HERE.

7th November 2010;  © Copyright Rebecca Fowler

Sydney Baha’i Centre in Silverwater came alive last night (saturday 6th November) as the Bahr El Gahzar Community of NSW Youth Union held their 2nd annual Culture Day.

Invited by a student that i work with through the HARDA African Mens English Project, i was enthralled in culture the moment i walked through the doors.

Arriving at around 6.15pm i was greeted by some 500+ Bahr El Gahzar community members. Speech’s were made by community leaders and Youth leaders and songs from the homeland sung to unite the community. I was engaged in cultural dancing and song. A local Bahr El Gahzar rap group of Youth’s took to the stage and the atmosphere turned electric. As soon as these youth picked up the microphones the crowd went wild. they belted out their tune singing about a “New Sudan” and “Unity” between the Southern Sudanese. It was a great moment, part of it i was able to capture on video but due to the noise of the screams had to cut it short…VIDEO HERE

The Youth Leaders spoke to the youth of the community about how they need to use their time in Australia for good. To stick with their education and be motivated by the prospects of a New Sudan in the year ahead. Supporting the referendum in January was also high on the list, as well as keeping the youth off the streets.

As a westerner looking in on African Culture it seems we are not so different. The challenges they face with their youth here are exactly what we face with our youth. Our culture is as baffling and confusing to them as theirs is to us and yet they carry on each day with such resiliance and motivation it needs to be commended. Imagine coming from a very rural village to a major city bustling with trains, cars, traffic, traffic jams, accidents, sirens, complete and utter chaos is basically how you could describe the transition.  But it has its up side, our country is at peace, and unfortunately Sudan is not. Decades of war have taken its toll on these people and the only way to sustain their lives and culture was to leave their homeland and seek shelter in a country of peace. We are so lucky to have such resiliant visitors to our shores, let us hear of their stories, learn a bit about them and their cultures and you will find they are just sooo much like us. Family is important, community is important, love, friendship, fun, entertainment, dancing, singing, you would be utterly surprised how alike we are. Aside from skin colour, we are all similar and i really don’t know how people cannot see this.

Coming from Rural Sudan to Blacktown City of Australia must be a huge and amazing change of life and circumstances. Blacktown City is a vast city that has expanded massivly in the last 30 years. I should know, i was born here. As a local Blacktowner i have seen my town grown into a vast city, seen our vast array of bushland be cleared for Urban development, seen our infastructure fall behind due to the vast rise of population and seen the massive change in the community. The Southern Sudanese who have came here have done a remarkable job to adjust to the hustle and bustle of Australian life after years of living in war torn areas. We don’t realise being Australians how confusing our rail or bus system can be to a new Australian. How our tax system can boggle their minds and how even using our vast array of electrical knick knacks can seem like you need to take course to use it.

After my experience last night, being welcomed into the Bahr El Gahzar community i feel so completely honored and motivated. I hope that in January of 2011, A New Sudan will emerge through the referendum and my dear friends who would love to return to their homeland are able to do so as free and democratic citizens of a “New Sudan”.

FreeUganda (Apologies for the poor quality footage, my video camera is requiring a new charger cable)

I’d like to just let you all know that we have a great selection of Invisible Children T-Shirts and DVD’s and Journals available here in Australia. Whilst our Aussie Dollar is high against the US we are reflecting our prices to match the US Prices. SOOOOO for the next 2 weeks (possibly longer as long as the $$ stays high) we will keep the price accordingly!

TO PURCHASE THESE ITEMS FROM AUSTRALIA IC SIMPLY EMAIL US

Rough Cut DVD is $20
Go DVD is $15
Bracelet Dvd’s are $20
The Rescue DVD is $20
2010 Organic Logo Tee is $25 – 100% Grown & Sewn in Uganda!
Standard Logo Tee is $20
I “Heart” LRA – Rescue Event Tee is $20
AK-47 Rescue Event Tee is $20 (1 only left in Australia)
Legacy Journal (with Rescue DVD) $10


To Check out what these items are Visit INVISIBLE CHILDREN US Store

Bracelet and Journal by: Invisible Children

All pictures are copyrighted to Invisible Children

So its been a while since i have put a journal entry in as i have been quite busy recently.

A few family issues arose that i needed to take care of as well as continuing to run my Sudanese Mens English Courses through HARDA and also spending time with my children, who are ages 9, 4 & 3 so as you can imagine, they are quiet time consuming! lol My children are awesome kids and i hope they grow up with a moral respect for others and continue the fight for injustice.

In recent weeks i found out that one of the Invisible Children USA Team was taken away by an act of Terrorism. Nate from IC USA was in Kampala with 3 of our Northern Ugandan Students when a suicide bomber let of his bomb. Unfortunately, Nate did not survive the blast and our 3 students managed to escape with their lives, just to add more terror and scars to their already scarred lives. Such a sad thing to happen to those so innocently watching a soccer match. It just makes no sense. I send my condolences to all of those affected by the World Cup Bombings in Kampala, our prayers and thoughts are with you and your families.

It seems the world is falling apart right before my eyes, i feel helpless that i cannot do more to help others who are suffering, but as i know, i am only one person and i can only do so much, so i will continue to do as much as i can for others.

I must end this journal for now as i have some hungry little children asking me for morning tea so i must end this post early.

I thank all of you who read my posts and support my efforts to help those less fortunate. Thank you for coming on my journey with me.

Freeuganda